Maybe this isn't a mistake
by Newgirl78
Summary: This story follows Nick and Jess after "Virgins" and contains spoilers from the last three episodes of the season. The original chapter is actually the middle of the story, as I added a few chapters up until Cece and Shivrang's wedding. ***Chapters 9-12 are now up***
1. Chapter 1: Good Morning

**If you have been following this story, I have added several chapters BEFORE the original that was previously posted. This follows Nick and Jess from the end of the "Virgins" episode, through to the end of the season (and maybe beyond). It DOES incorporate some spoilers throughout. Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with New Girl.**

* * *

Jess slowly opened her eyes. She felt Nick's arm around her as she woke up with her head on his shoulder. She saw his hand resting on his stomach as his chest rose and fell evenly with each breath. She carefully entwined his fingers with hers, not wanting him to wake up.

Nick felt Jess take his hand and sigh as she nuzzled her face into his neck. He smiled and then kissed the top of her head. "Jessica..." he muttered into her hair.

Jess squeezed his hand and slowly flipped onto her stomach, her face inches from his. "Good morning".

He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a long, sweet kiss. She kissed his neck and then his chest and looked up him.

"Well Nick Miller, that was quite the impressive night". She gave him an awkward, yet sexy wink.

He smiled, "Normally I'm not one to brag, but well..." He gave her one of his looks and she slapped him on the chest.

He grabbed her to tickle her. They both started laughing as he flipped over, his head was hovering over hers. "I'm pretty sure that was the most amazing night of my life". They kissed and he melted into her.

They were snapped back to reality with a sharp knock on the door and Schmidt's all-too-familar yell.

"JESS!"

Jess pulled to the side, completely annoyed. "What is it SCHMIDT?!"

"Well, someone, MISS DAY, failed to alert the loft to a visit by HER FATHER?"

Jess froze and Nick shot up to seated position on the bed. Jess slowly sat up and looked at Nick as he silently mouthed "OH MY GOD".

Jess shrugged her shoulders and shook her head in disbelief. "Hey Schmidt...my dad is here RIGHT NOW?"

"Geez Jess, do you not listen to ANYTHING I say?"

Jess and Nick stared at one another as a second voice came from the hallway. one belonging to a Mr. Bob Day. "Jess?"

Jess and Nick both bolted out different sides of the bed at the same time. Jess pulled the sheet with her and fell backwards towards her door as Nick frantically wrapped the floral comforter around himself and ran for the closet. Jess combed through her hair and as calmly as possible said, "Hey dad. Um, just give me a minute to get dressed and I will be RIGHT OUT."

She could hear her dad's voice fade down the hall as he responded "No problem, take your time."

Jess leaned with her back against the door, closed her eyes and gave a huge sigh of relief. She walked over to the closet as Nick made his way out. They were careful to whisper as quietly as possible.

"Jess, did you know he was coming?"

Jess looked stunned, "Not at all. Last week he told me he wasn't coming to the wedding."

"Well clearly, " Nick motioned towards the door, "he changed his mind".

"Gee, you think?!"

They locked eyes for a moment, and their irritation slowly faded.

Nick laughed nervously, "at least he didn't open the door".

Jess' eyes grew wide. "Seriously, do you have any idea what he would do if he caught you in here right now?

Nick had tried to play the entire situation cool up to this point, but now Jess was making him nervous.

'Nick, you have no idea how angry he got when some boy tried to KISS ME. You need to LAY LOW."

Nick grabbed her shoulders and shook them. "are you serious right now, Jess? You are freakin' me out!"

Jess dropped the sheet on the floor. "ok, here's what we do..."

Nick tried to listen to her, but his jaw dropped as he stared at her completely naked in front of him.

Jess snapped her fingers in front of his face "NICK!"

Nick shook his head and slapped his hands against his cheeks twice. "right, ok." He paused and then motioned with his hand, "ok, Jess. If you're going to have a conversation with me right now on how to convince your father that we are NOT sleeping together, you're going to have to stop doing it NAKED, because" he pointed to crotch, "the prize hog down there is going to be pretty obvious." He raised his eyebrows. "REALLY OBVIOUS." He winked twice.

"Oh my God, Nick" She grabbed him by his shoulders, spun him around, and shoved him out of the closet. "get dressed Miller"

Jess quickly pulled a blue dress off a hanger as Nick collected his thrown off clothes from the night before. She quickly combed her fingers through her hair to look somewhat presentable and exited the closet. Nick was finishing up and putting his shirt on.

He threw up his hands. "Seriously, Jessica?!"

Jess looked at him surprised, "what?"

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, "how do you STILL look so incredibly amazing".

Jess smiled and melted into his arms. She took his face in her hands and started kissing him. He spun her around and started walking them towards the bed.

Jess stopped and pushed him away on his chest, "NO!" She paused for a moment, before shaking her head and repeating, "NO."

Jess walked over to the door. She put her hand on the doorknob and right before she opened it, she flipped her hair over her shoulder and looked back at Nick. "You tell that prize hog I want to see him back here later".

And with that, she disappeared in a bright blue blur out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Nick sat down on the bed and threw himself backwards, his arms crossing over his head. "God damn it, Jessica you are driving me CRAZY!"


	2. Chapter 2: Mr Bob Day

Jess had managed to get her father out of the loft for a few minutes and Nick made it back to his room without getting caught. He showered and dressed, and was coming out of his room toward the living room when they came back through the front door.

Jess pulled Bob towards the hallway as Nick came towards them "And you remember Nick, dad."

They both spoke at the same moment "good to see you again".

Nick gave a little turtle face and laughed "that was weird". Bob nodded and smiled.

Jess looked at her dad, then at Nick, and then back at her dad. She shook her head. "OK, dad." She grabbed his arm and walked him to the couch. She gave him a little nudge and he sat down. She handed him the remote. "You're going to wait RIGHT HERE, and I will be back in just one second" She gave him a wide grin and spun around.

She grabbed Nick's arm and pulled him down the hallway into her room.

Jess shut the door as Nick groaned in protest "Jess, WHAT IS GOING ON NOW?!"

Jess gave him a sweet smile and batted her eyelashes. "Nick"

Nick started walking backwards until he hit the bed and landed forcefully on the mattress.

"NO, Jessica. I know that look. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!"

Jess sauntered over next to him and sat down, practically in his lap. She started gently drawing circles on his knee with her finger, not looking him in the eye. "Nick, I MIGHT need you to hang out with my father." She suddenly changed her voice and spoke very quickly "because-Tanya-just-called-me-for-an-interview-and -I-really-really-REALLY-need-this-job-or-I-will-go -crazy"

Nick sighed and shook his head, running his right hand through his hair.

Jess looked at him with her bright blue eyes, pleadingly "Please Nick, this is really important to me, and I can't just leave him here by himself all morning. I'm sure I won't be more than an hour. Please?"

Nick stared into her eyes and still couldn't believe everything that had happened between them. How could he resist those eyes?

He took a deep breath and nodded, "Ok, jess. You got it. I'll...hang out with Bob."

Jess let out a squeal, jumping up to give him a huge hug around his neck.

Nick stood up. "ok, ok, you get going or you're going to be late".

Jess gave him a peck on the cheek and started to pull away from him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back. "Hey" He brushed a lose strand of hair out of her eye, "I'll be thinking about you, ok? You can do this."

Jess eyes melted and she squeezed his hand.

They walked backed out into the living room and Nick sat down on the couch across from Bob.

"Ok, dad, I just have to leave for like, an HOUR. Nick is just going to hang out. You guys can talk," Jess started slowly walking backwards towards the front door "chat...HANG. Whatever you crazy kids want...Okay" She grabbed her purse and keys off the table. "I'll be back before you even notice I'm gone" She opened the door. "See ya"

And she was gone.

Nick and Bob looked at each other, both nodding and shaking their legs nervously.

"Ok then" Nick pointed at Bob. "Let's...hang out."

* * *

The morning actually hadn't been too bad. They had talked about Jess and how hard it had been since she lost her job, and he had even managed to NOT look like too much of a "just a bartender" by talking about his ideas for the future at work. He even surprised HIMSELF with some of the things he had been thinking about. At one point, he had even delved a little into why he had dropped out of law school and how there had been a few times where he wondered if he had made a mistake.

He didn't remember ever really admitting that before.

It was a very odd couple of hours and he had found it kind of enjoyable.

It was still strange talking with the man whose daughter he had literally just slept with the first time the night before. A woman who had become more and more an integral part of his life, yet he still couldn't tell her how he really felt. It was so strange feeling like he should be impressing Bob as the father of his "girlfriend", yet he had never called her that before. But he felt like she already WAS. In fact, that she had been his girlfriend for a long time. He started to wonder how long he had been denying this in his head. How much effort he had expended trying to convince himself that she was NOT his to care about? When had his feelings started to change.

If he was going to honest...NEVER. His feelings didn't HAVE to change into "something more", because he was pretty sure they had been there the entire time. When she had come out of her room in that black dress. When he wanted to run to her at that restaurant because some loser couldn't see how amazing she was. When she, without hesitation had dressed up as ELVIS at the funeral of a man who, just weeks before had conned her out of money she clearly didn't have to lose. The way he felt protective of her when his mom had been so distrusting, or how angry he got when someone had taken advantage of her incredibly warm and loving personality. How hard it was to watch her fall for guys who turned around and broke her heart. He never wanted to be one of those people. She made him better. Whole. HAPPY.

Yep. Jess was quite possibly "the one". Why couldn't he just TELL HER. Didn't she SEE that he cared so much about her? If SHE couldn't see it, maybe she didn't feel the same way? If she really felt the same, should he even need to SAY it out loud? Wouldn't they both just feel it and that would be it?

Of course, the more sure he was of his feelings for her, the more UNSURE he was that he actually DESERVED someone like her. He WAS "just a bartender". He HAD dropped out of law school. He had made one bad decision after another, a track record that pretty much guaranteed that he would probably CONTINUE to make bad choices in his life.

She didn't deserve that.

Maybe she didn't deserve HIM.

Everything had suddenly become even more confusing, and here he was, stuck across from Bob Day afraid that he was, at this very moment, coming to the same conclusions.

He looked back at Bob again following another awkward silence. Bob started flipping through channels and stopped on Animal Planet.

Nick gestured towards the TV, "Turtles, right?"

Bob didn't shift his transfixed gaze. "Magnificent".

They seemed to have so much in common one minute, and then it was so incredibly awkward the next. He didn't want to seem like he was trying too hard, but he DID want Bob to like him. Why did he care so much? He just didn't want Jess to be disappointed in him. He really wanted to show her he could do this. Have a real conversation with her father and prove he was really trying to be a better person, even if in the end, he still wasn't the kind of man that deserved a woman like Jessica Day.

He felt like he had been sitting there forever, when his phone went off.

_THANK GOD._

He saw it was Jess and anxiously stood up, "hey, Jess. How are you doing?" He smiled at Bob and then walked quickly into the kitchen. Dropping his voice he hissed "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"Nick, I am SO sorry. It wasn't just an interview. Tanya needs me to stay and sub for the day, and I REALLY want this job." she paused and Nick's face softened. "Can you PLEASE just hang out with my dad for a little longer? I promise I will rush home as SOON as the kids leave." She pleaded with him, and he could hear a shaky nervousness in her voice.

Nick glanced over at Bob on the couch and then sighed "I can do that Jess". He smiled, "Jess? You can do this, ok. Just be yourself".

He heard her take a deep breath on the other end of the line, and she replied softly, "thanks Nick".

"See you later. Good luck."

Nick hung up on the phone and walked back over the couch. He thought he saw a Bob smiling, but his face quickly changed as Nick got closer.

"Alright, sooooo that was Jess. She's going to be at school the rest of the day, so it looks like it's just you and me".

Bob gave a small growl, "huh, sounds fun".


	3. Chapter 3: Welcome back, Miss Day

Jess walked in the door from her long day, visibly exhausted. Her dad was sitting on the couch watching tv. "Hey Jess, how did it go?"

Jess looked around as she sat across from him on the couch. "Ok, I guess. Where's Nick?"

"Oh, he went out to get pizza for dinner, he should be back any minute."

Jess sighed and leaned back. "oh, that sounds great."

"So, did everything work out ok today?"

"I think so. I don't know. It was really nice to be back in a classroom of kids, but man, it was SO STRANGE too. It felt like I was gone for YEARS. I..."

Jess' phone started to buzz, and she jumped. "OMG, it's Tanya!"

She clicked the phone on, "Hello?...It was nice to see you again today too...ok...ok. Well, yeah. Absolutely... OK, well, I will see you on Monday then. Bye"

Jess had a huge smile on her face and let out a loud squeal as she frantically dialed her phone. "Nick? Nick where are you, you have to come home RIGHT NOW!... OK, well GET UP HERE. HURRY."

Bob sat on the couch confused as Jess started dancing in front of the door. A few seconds later Nick came bursting in. "Oh my God Jess, what is going on?!"

Jess ran over and and threw her arms around his neck as she jumped up and down. Nick tried to keep his balance with the pizza box still in his hand. Bob stood up from the couch and slowly walked over.

"Jess. Jess, what..."

Jess squealed, "Tanya just called. I GOT THE JOB!"

Nick spun her around so he could put the box done on the table by the door. He grabbed her waist and pulled her back to see her face. "JESS, that's amazing, CONGRATULATIONS. See, I KNEW you could do it." He pulled her in for a hug and immediately saw Bob staring at them. He quickly leaned away from her. "um, Jess?" He cleared his throat and nodded in Bob's direction.

Jess followed Nick's eyes and her enthusiasm died down just a little. "oh. Um. Did you hear, dad? I got it!" She ran over to Bob and gave him a quick hug. Bob kept his eye on Nick and then looked at Jess.

"That's great news, Jess!"

Nick shifted uncomfortably and then turned to grab the pizza off the table to carry it to the kitchen.

Jess squealed again, and started dialing her phone. "I have to call Cece". She walked down the hall to her room and shut the door behind her.

Bob walked into the kitchen as Nick was pulling plates out of the cabinet. "So. She did it, huh? She got the job."

Nick put the plates on the island and started nervously rearranging things on the counter. "Yeah. She's really missed teaching since she lost her job. I'm glad to see her so happy".

Bob nodded silently and watched Nick intently. There were a few uncomfortable moments before Bob spoke again, "You seem to be a really good person for my daughter to have around".

Nick swallowed hard and cautiously glanced in Bob's direction "She's really important to me."

Bob gave Nick a small smile and nodded, "I see that."

Just then, Jess came back out of her room. "Hey guys, let's eat. I am STARVING." She glanced back and forth at both men and gave them both a warm smile.

Nick quickly opened the pizza box and started to serve everyone. "Sounds good."


	4. Chapter 4: Reality and Fairytales

Jess had changed into her pajamas and went out to the living room to check on her dad. "Hey dad, my room is all set up for you. You really don't have to stay out here."

Bob patted the cushion next to him, "Come sit down for a minute."

Jess flopped down next to him and leaned against his arm. "What's up, dad?"

"So..." He raised his eyebrows as Jess glanced up at him. "Nick."

"What about him? Did you two get into all kinds of trouble together while I was gone?" Jess gave a small, evil laugh and swatted his arm.

Bob smiled, "he seems like a really nice guy, Jess."

Jess' expression suddenly got serious and she nervously played with the hem of her shirt. "um. Yeah. We've gotten to be really good friends."

Bob raised his eyebrows again. "Just friends?"

Jess kept her gaze down and started to stutter, "well. I mean. He's... I guess he's a little more than just a FRIEND..."

"hmmm."

"We just... I don't know dad." Jess took a deep breath and her voice was barely above a whisper, "I feel like maybe I've always wanted a fairytale that just isn't going to happen." Her eyes started to glistened and she glanced up at her dad.

Bob nodded. "You know, Jess...maybe you're just scared because what you have is even better."

Jess looked down at her hands as she nervously twisted them back and forth. They were silent for a few moments before Bob started to get up. He patted her knee and gave her a knowing smile.

"I'll see you in the morning Jess."

Jess nodded and watched her dad walk into her room, hearing the door click behind him. She sat for a few moments in silence and wiped the tears from her eyes that had begun to fall.

_Maybe you're just scared because what you have is even better..._

She couldn't stop hearing the words play over and over in her head.

Jess stood up and slowly walked into the hall, stopping by her door and listening for a few moments.

Jess turned around and cautiously started to turn the handle on Nick's door. She stopped for just a moment, waiting to hear him say something from the other side, but it remained silent. She continued to open the door an inch at a time until she locked eyes with Nick who was sitting on his bed with his laptop. Jess turned around to close the door and Nick wordlessly put his laptop on the nightstand. He watched as Jess closed the door and walked to the bed. Jess reached down to pull back the covers and Nick reached over to squeeze her hand. They smiled at each other and in one motion Jess climbed under the covers. She pulled her legs up and snuggled close to his chest, resting her head on his shoulder as he tightly wrapped his arms around her. Jess felt the tears start to fall and Nick buried his face in her hair and kissed the top of her head.

She felt all the emotions of the past few months suddenly come crashing down on her. Losing her job, everything with Nick, the feeling like maybe everything really WOULD work out...

"It's going to be ok, Jess."

* * *

Jess wasn't sure how long she had been asleep, but Nick's shirt was still wet with her tears, so it couldn't have been too long. She looked at the clock, only 10:30 pm.

She carefully wriggled out of Nick's arms and took a moment to look at him. His hair was completely messed up and out of place, and he had the beginning of a turtle face expression on his face as he slept. She silently giggled to herself and softly planted a kiss on his forehead. She detected the slightest smile as he rolled on his side.

She was restless and couldn't go back to her room, but she didn't want to go back to sleep just yet. Cece's wedding was the next afternoon, and even though she really had nothing to do as the "unofficial" Maid of Honor, she wanted to at least send Cece a quick email letting her know she was thinking about her.

Jess slowly got out of bed, so she wouldn't wake up Nick, and walked around to grab his laptop from the nightstand. She quietly sat down at his desk and opened the laptop.

The browser was still open to the unfinished email he had been typing when she walked in:

_Shane,_

_We can discuss it first thing in the morning. I'll see you around ... _

Jess couldn't read anymore and slammed the laptop closed. Tears formed in her eyes and she heard Nick stir behind her from the noise. She held her breath and watched as he continued to sleep.

What was going on? Had he kept his relationship with Shane going this entire time?! How could she have been so stupid! She felt like her entire friendship with Nick had just fallen apart.

She felt like someone had kicked her in the gut and she couldn't breathe. She had to get out of here. Away from the loft, away from HIM.

She felt herself falling into intense sobs the more she thought about it. She had to leave. NOW.


	5. Chapter 5: Wedding Day

After spending the night at Cece's, Jess had managed to push yesterday's events to the back of her mind as she focused on Cece's wedding day. The morning had been frantic and stressful, but Jess had avoided any contact with Nick.

Until now.

The ceremony was ready to begin at any moment, and Jess was quickly running down the hallway to the ballroom after Cece's aunt had finally fixed her Sari in the bathroom. She heard someone out of breath behind her and turned around.

Nick wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead, "Jess." He took a second to catch his breath. "Jess, what happened last night? Where did you go?"

Jess had an icy glare in her eyes. "I went to Cece's. Didn't you get my text?"

Nick frowned. "I did, but that's all you said. You didn't answer any of my calls."

Jess gestured to the ballroom exasperated, "Well, there were a few things going on".

Nick looked confused and hurt by her tone. "Why are you acting so angry? I know Cece probably had you running all over today, but..."

"I SAW THE EMAIL NICK." She hadn't meant to blurt it out, but she felt like she was going to burst. The minute the words left her mouth, tears fell down her face. She threw her hands in the air. "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be nosy. I wanted to send an email to Cece," her words starting breaking up through her tears "and my dad was still in my room..."

Nick froze, his eyes widening, "Oh God"

Jess looked directly in his eyes and her voice got softer, "why is this still a mess Nick? I thought all that was just..."

Nick lunged forward and grabbed both her hands. "Jessica, it IS over. It never started. It..." His voice started shaking, "God, Jess, you have to believe me"

Jess was silent and closed her eyes.

Nick gently shook her, "I only wanted to talk to her about the bar." He waited for her to respond, but she put her head down and looked at the floor. "I spent the day talking with your dad about how much he wants for you in life, and then you came home getting your dream job back and I...I felt like I needed to make a change. I had a reason to BE something."

Jess slowly raised her head and looked in his eyes, but she couldn't hold his gaze. It just hurt too much. He wasn't even making any sense. She could hear what he was saying, but it was almost as if it were a different language. Everything was just so jumbled. So...fucked up.

Such a MESS.

"Jessica, LISTEN TO ME." his eyes pleaded with her, "I want MORE for myself. Because of YOU. That's all it was about. I wanted to talk to her about running the bar. Doing something more than just be a bartender. Anything. I SWEAR, it has nothing to do with her or what happened. It was one time and it shouldn't have even been that. It's you, it's been you all along. Everything else was just because I was too stupid to make a move. Please..."

Jess turned around ready to leave. Run. Just GET AWAY.

"Jess, don't..."

Just then, someone came running down the hall towards them "TO YOUR LEFT!"

Jess and Nick looked to their left and saw a badger heading straight for the ballroom where the wedding was getting ready to start.

The man whizzed past them yelling "go close those doors". The man looked down for a second as his radio went off, and went to grab it.

Nick sprung to action and raced to the end of the hall, closing the ballroom doors just in time. Jess had been right behind him, but now the badger was between her and Nick, with a small open room to their right. Nick nodded his head toward the room and Jess made a growling sound and leaped toward the badger. As she lunged forward, her shoe got tangled in her sari and she started to trip. Nick ran to catch her, but because of his speed moving towards her, he ended up pushing her forward and both of them ended up in a heap on the floor of the mechanical room. Somehow, in the middle of everything the door had managed to close behind them. They heard the man outside try to unsuccessfully open the door and then his voice as he ran away "hold on, I'll get help".

Silence.

Nick and Jess were laying on the floor and the only sound they could hear was the humming of machines and a small chattering sound.

Jess whispered, "Nick, what do we do?"

Nick put his finger to her mouth and looked around. There was a open vent near the ceiling where an air duct was disconnected from the A/C unit. Nick turned Jess's head toward the ceiling and pointed to the duct. "Listen to me. I'm going to push you up there and you tell me where it goes, ok?"

Jess' eyes grew wide and she hissed "are you INSANE Miller?"

"Oh, you have a better idea with a rabid rodent 5 feet away?"

Jess nodded and stood up slowly. They could still hear the scratching, but the badger was at least staying in the corner. They made it to the wall and Nick boosted Jess into the vent. She called back down to Nick, "There's light coming through the floor about 10 feet away. Are you coming?"

Nick looked back towards the badger and then took a deep breath as he hoisted himself into the vent behind her. He motioned her to move forward as they positioned themselves on either side of the vent, looking down.

They were above the wedding ceremony. LITERALLY.

They stared at each other for a moment, both wondering what their next move would be. Nick reached toward the vent, when Jess grabbed his hand.

"Nick" she held tight and squeezed his hand, "I. I'm sorry"

Nick looked at her for a moment, and then his shoulders relaxed a little. She collapsed forward, defeated. "Jess. You have to believe me that there is NOTHING going on with Shane. Or anyone. I swear to you."

Jess swallowed hard and choked on her words. "I know that Nick. I do. I'm sorry I didn't believe you." Jess scooted forward onto the vent as she motioned her hand back and forth between them. "I really want us to figure out what this is."

Nick leaned forward and grabbed her chin in his hand. "I'm a mess. I am. Jess, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me there isn't a part of you that thinks this is mistake. You and I. Together"

Jess was so confused. What was he saying?! Why would he even ask that?

Before she could even open her mouth, the vent grate underneath them started to open and she felt herself falling.

The next moments were a blur. Nick and Jess ending up in a painful dissent into the ceremony, Shivrang calling off the wedding at the last moment to run off with an ex, a flurry of saris and suits running around frantically as a they were rushed out of the room when the badger managed to make it's way through the vent...

The entire frenzy took only a few minutes, but Jess felt completely disoriented in this surreal state of disbelief.

After talking to an upset, but surprisingly relieved Cece, Jess made her way out into the lobby.


	6. Chapter 6: Let's end this now

Jess was still standing in the hallway to the ballroom watching as the chaos finally started to die down. Nick was leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the lobby and she could just see him past the grand piano between them. His jacket was off and he started to loosen his tie.

His words still echoed in her head.

_"I'm a mess. You can't tell me there isn't part of you that thinks this was all a mistake."_

Why did he say it? Did he really believe that? Her stunned silence as the words left his mouth clearly shouldn't have been the end of the conversation, but the shock of his words had stung. Through everything they had been through in the last few months, what could she have possibly done differently to make him realize that wasn't true? If he didn't believe she cared NOW, she wasn't sure if there was ANYTHING she could do to convince him otherwise.

Suddenly she felt angry. Her face flushed and she clenched her fists. No.

NO.

Who the hell was Nick Miller to tell her how she felt? When did he suddenly start to think HE could decide who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with?

Wait.

She swallowed hard and felt tears in her eyes. What was she saying? Where had all this come from? What started out as the desire to try to see if things could work with Nick, had suddenly become so much more than even dating. Why was it so hard for her to push this image out of her head of the two of them being the endgame? When had she realized he was "the one"? Was it really just going to end HERE? Like this? If she was really thinking this could be forever, how could they give up so easily?

Maybe it was the failed attempt at love and marriage that had just fallen apart behind her, or maybe it was exhaustion from trying so hard to wait for someone else, FOR ONCE, to want her FIRST. To love HER more. She didn't know, but damn it, she wanted to end this now.

Just then, Nick crossed the lobby and walked out of the hotel. Jess took a deep breath and followed him straight into the small courtyard between the portico and the parking lot.

As she got closer to Nick, he stopped, but didn't turn around. "Look, Jess. I get it. I don't want to do all this with you right now. I'm not sure what just happened in there, but it's probably better if we just try and move past all this."

Jess gently touched his shoulder. "Why did you ask me that?"

Nick briefly closed his eyes, then turned around. Maybe he hadn't picked the best time to say it. Actually, he KNEW this wasn't the place to do it, but he felt like it had been unspoken words that needed to be said out loud. "Because we both think it. I just said it first."

Jess tried to laugh, but the words stung. Why did this have to hurt so much?

Then Nick pushed it too far. "You can't be with me Jess. It's not going to work."

Suddenly, all the anger that she had tried to hold in boiled over. "Since when do YOU get to decide what I want?!" Her volume startled him a little and his eyes got wide as she continued. "So you just tell me what I'm thinking and that's it?"

Now Nick was angry too, "Wait, YOU are mad at ME? I asked you if you could handle that I was a mess and you couldn't even say anything. You just stood there."

"Well MAYBE, the fact that you even had to ask that proves that we aren't on the same page. Maaaaybe, I thought that question was just SO freakin' ridiculous Nick," she threw both hands in the air, "that I didn't know WHAT to say."

Nick scrunched up his turtle face, "What?!"

She continued, "Yeah. You don't say ANYTHING to me about how you feel, but you can tell ME how I'M feeling. You're never going to be honest about how you feel, and I'm done."

Nick groaned "You don't listen. How can you not know how I feel?"

"I don't lisssssten?! You don't say anything. I don't want to play this game anymore. Cece was right. I just want to go back to the way things were."

"Really? So none of this was what you wanted at ALL?! _I'm_ the one who can't say how I feel, but you're allowed to say THAT?! It doesn't even make any sense Jessica. When did YOU say how you felt? I must have missed it..." His voice trailed off.

Jess's nostrils flared and she lost all inhibition. "Fine Nick. You want me to say something, I will. It was GREAT. It was all AMAZING. It was even better than a fairytale because it was with YOU. Everything I thought I wanted seemed to finally made sense when I thought we could actually make this work. But I can't be the one that wants it more. I can't. Not this time. Not with YOU."

Nick's eyes widened and his arms flew in the air, "FINALLY."

"Finally what?" Jess crossed her arms and stared.

"Finally you're SAYING something."

Jess started to feel defeated. She pursed her lips and then raised her voice even more, "Just go Nick. Leave. This isn't working. Just..."

They were both breathing heavily and staring at each other wide-eyed for what seemed like an eternity. Nick finally closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"whatever, Jess. Just...I'm leaving" He shook his head and turned around.

She watched him start to walk away and she suddenly got a huge lump in her throat and a pain in her chest that told her she was making a mistake. What if he left for good? No matter how angry and hurt she was, she didn't want it to end this way. She DID care. This was it. If it was going to end this way, it was at least going to end with her laying everything out on the table. She already felt like she had lost everything, so what was one last admission.

He got about 20 feet when she threw up her arms "I wrote love". He slowly turned around.

She took a step forward as her voice got quieter. "On the card. I wrote love on the card"

Nick had a look of complete confusion on his face as he started walking towards her "You wrote "love"?" She couldn't look at him and started staring at the ground. She willed the tears to stop bubbling up in her eyes. He stopped right in front of her and pointed his finger at her and then himself. "but I wrote love" He scrunched his eyebrows. "why..."

The words sunk in and Jess slowly raised her head. They search each others eyes for some sort of clue as to what had happened. How had this spiraled so out of control? All the anger in the air seemed vanish and everything seemed so quiet. They stood in silence for a few moments.

Jess tilted her head and spoke slowly, "Why would Russell..."

Suddenly it all made sense. The look Russell had had on his face, the glance he had exchanged with Brandi, the way he quickly had run away...

Their eyes locked and they both slowly start to smile. In a single moment, the realization had started to sink in and it was suddenly much easier to breathe.

Jess spoke first. "We are IDIOTS."

Nick's brown eyes sparkled, "the stupidest of the stupid people".

Jess shook her head and her bright blue eyes widened, "what have we been doing?! why..."

Nick leaned forward, putting one hand on her waist, the other on her cheek and gave her a long, soft kiss.

Jess pulled back and smiled, both of them with tears in their eyes. She choked on her words as she looked at him, "I love that you're a mess".

Nick smiled, his eyes sparkling, "I love all your annoying songs"

They both laughed before Jess wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her close for another kiss. Suddenly every doubt they had danced around since this all started seemed to disappear. They ended in a long hug and Nick held tight, not wanting to let go. Something about this woman had always pushed him to do and be more than he ever thought he wanted to be. She made him feel like he was GOOD at loving someone. Hell, that he could be good at anything. Nick whispered in her ear, "Jessica, you don't have to worry about being the one who always loves more this time".

She smiled widely and hugged him even harder. She was about to say something when Nick pulled her back and gave her a smirk, raising his eyebrows.

She stopped herself and grabbed his hand, almost pulling him off balance. "Let's go home, Miller".

Nick bent their intertwined arms towards his chest and pulled her even closer. "Officially NOT just roomfriends then?"

Jess looked at him out of the corner of her eye and laughed. She raised her other arm and sang "Nick's my boyfrieeeeeeeend".

They started laughing and Nick shook his head.

"You did say you loved my singing."

"I did say that, didn't I?"

They walked across the parking lot and stopped at Jess's car. Nick bent down to kiss her forehead, rubbing her back. In his sexy voice, he said "let's do this thang girl..." his voice trailed off as he whispered "...friend".

* * *

**This is my first fan fic, so please, PLEASE review! I really appreciate the feedback!**


	7. Chapter 7: Second First Dates

They both climbed in the car and Jess started to put the key in the ignition.

"Switch with me," Nick grabbed the key from her hand and winked, "I'm driving."

Jess looked at him strangely and then shrugged her shoulders. Nick ran around to the driver's side as Jess struggled to climb out in her Sari. He wordlessly took her hand and helped her out, climbing into her seat as she ran around to the other side.

When they were back in the car, Nick started the engine and gave her a smile. "We're going on our date."

Jess laughed, "NICK, we're such a mess. I'm wearing a sari and we just climbed through an air duct."

Nick smiled at her and started to put the car in gear. "First of all, you look beautiful" he glanced at her quickly and then back out the windshield. "Second, no one will care where we're going. You trust me, right?"

Jess threw up her hands, "Yes! Fine, let's go"

* * *

They pulled into a parking spot and Jess squeezed Nick's arm as she let out a laugh. She quickly removed the clip and pins holding her air and shook out her long brown curls. Nick couldn't help but stare at her and smile. She leaned down and took off her shoes, "excellent choice, Mr. Miller". She threw the shoes in the backseat as Nick laughed and did the same.

They got out of the car and Nick walked toward the front of the car, holding out his hand for her. She took it and smiled.

"What will it be my beautiful lady? Hot dog, or miscellaneous street meat?"

She stepped close to him, "surprise me."

He walked over the street vendor, as Jess took a seat on a bench at the edge of the beach, facing the ocean.

Nick came back with two hot dogs and sat down next to her. Jess scooted close to him, taking one in her hand and kissing his cheek. She held up her hot dog, "here's to our second first date. Or wait,...third? Fourth?"

Nick wiggled his eyebrows, then bumped her hot dog with hers. "Cheers!"

Since neither one had eaten since that morning, they both quickly devoured the food and then started laughing. Jess started brushing crumbs off her dress. "Ugh, I'm worse than a little kid".

Nick reached up and gently brushed a few crumbs that had fallen in her hair, his hand lingering on her shoulder. He leaned in and kissed her. "So, can you go for a walk in that thing, or do I need to unwrap you?"

"Hmmm, wouldn't you like that." She twisted her shoulder and placed her chin on it with a little pout. "Are you actually questioning my ability to function as a very shiny burrito?"

"Oh, well, in that case...race you to the water?" Nick slowly started to stand up.

"Ok, but just let me untwist..." She pretended to lean down and play with her dress, and just as Nick started to sit down to give her a second, she hiked up the bottom of the dress and started running.

"You'll pay for that, Jessica Day" He raced after her, but stumbled in the sand as he ran. Jess almost made it to the water just as Nick grabbed her by the waist and picked her up. "you are such a cheater!"

"Am not!" Jess tried to squirm free. "All's fair in ethnic wedding attire!" He spun her around. As he tried to put her down, he lost his balance and they both ended up on the ground laughing. As she tried to catch her breath, she shrugged her shoulders, "I still say I won!"

Their laughing slowly died down as Jess sat up and pulled her knees to her chest, burying her feet in the sand. Nick leaned back on his hands and stretched his legs out in front of her, watching her face. Jess finally looked up and squinted her eyes at Nick in the setting sun. They both sat in silence for a few minutes catching their breath and staring out at the ocean, before Nick spoke softly.

"Jess, I really am sorry for everything that happened. I..."

Jess shook her head. "It doesn't matter. We can finally admit we want to be together, right?" She looked up cautiously as Nick gave her a sideways wink. He slowly crossed his legs and sat facing her, taking both her hands in his. He waited until her eyes met his again and then spoke slowly. "Jessica," He swallowed nervously and paused, "I love you." Jess stared into his eyes, afraid to breath. "I need to tell you that. I want you to HEAR me say it", his voice quieted to a whisper as his voice started to crack. "I love you".

Jess slowly took his face in her hands and sat on her knees in front of him, bringing her eyes to the same level as his. "I love you too, Nick". She smiled and pulled his face to hers for a kiss. It was soft at first, but intensified as her hands slid around the back of his neck and he grabbed her waist, pulling her into his lap. She felt her back hit the soft sand as he laid her down and pulled back to look at her.

His left hand brushed a curl off her face as he whispered, "You have no idea how long I've waited to tell you that."


	8. Chapter 8: Broken Promises

**I can't seem to stop writing about these two and this hiatus is dragging on far too long. ENJOY!**

* * *

It was after dark until they had left the beach and made it back to the loft. Nick started to open the door to the apartment and Jess flashed him a smile.

"So, your room or mine?"

As they entered, their smiles faded when they saw Schmidt sitting on the couch staring blankly in front of him. They looked at each other silently and walked over to the couch, sitting down on either side of him.

Jess gently patted Schmidt's knee and slowly said, "Heeeeeeeey Schmidt".

Schmidt shook his head. "Elizabeth dumped me, and my beautiful henna'd goddess refuses to talk to me".

Nick looked at Jess with wide eyes and nodded towards her. Jess shrugged her shoulders at Nick and patted Schmidt's knee again, "I'm sorry Schmidt".

"Did you see the way Cece looked at me Jess? She said she was in love with someone else. I can't be the only one to see she clearly meant THIS." He motioned up and down his body.

Nick winced as Jess tried to be supportive. "Schmidt, I don't think Cece knows WHAT she wants right now. Shivrang ran out of their wedding with another woman, I think you probably should give her a little time to process this."

Schmidt shook his head. "Fine. But don't expect me to be happy about it. It took all my, VAST STRENGTH, to not run after that beautiful creature." He paused, "Speaking of running off, where have the two of you been?"

Nick fumbled with his words, "We, uh, just went to get something to eat."

"Where? A third world nation? You two look like you got in a street fight with a gang of homeless cats." Nick nodded with a turtle face at his near accuracy, given the badger situation. Schmidt turned to Jess. "And you. Have you no respect for the delicacy of fine handwoven silk?!"

Jess rolled her eyes. "It's been a long day."

Schmidt gestured into space. "What's one more day waiting for Cece to finally come to her senses and pick the smart and sensible Jew." He gave another overdramatic sigh.

"Ok," Jess shook her head. "Look Schmidt, why don't you go take a nice, long, hot shower to clear your head. Nick and I will be right here when you're done, and then we'll help you figure it out."

Nick winced at the thought of discussing anymore of Schmidt romantic woes and gave him a punch in the shoulder with a half smile, trying to feign support.

Schmidt gave an exaggerated sigh, "Well, I can't argue that we could all use a good shower" He looked back and forth between Nick and Jess, giving them both a disgusted look.

Nick rolled his eyes. He waited for Schmidt to disappear down the hallway before he slid over next to Jess and whispered in her ear. "If Schmidt wasn't here, we would be taking that shower together right now".

Jess laughed as they stood up. "Well, I'm at least getting out of this...," She gestured at her outfit. "THING, while Schmidt is in there".

As they were heading back to their rooms to change, Nick reached out and slapped Jess' ass.

"NICK!" she hissed, as he gave her a wink and disappeared into his room.

He changed into a white t-shirt and black boxers and came out into the hall. He heard strange grunting and mumbling coming from Jess' room and opened her door. He laughed at what he saw. Jess was frantically twisting around, trying to get out of the Sari.

Nick started laughing as he shut the door behind him. "Jess, what are you doing?"

Jess turned to him, face flushed. "God, this thing is impossible to get off. I have no idea what Cece's aunt did to me. WHERE IS THE END?!"

Nick walked over to her and grabbed a piece of fabric across her shoulder and pulled, only to find out there was no way of getting it over her head. "Ok, I have to ask. If you can't get it off, how in the world did you go to the bathroom?"

"Well, you just..." Jess bent down and started pulling the dress up her legs, "you know, just put it up and..."

Jess had the dress pulled all the way to her thigh and he could see she was fully naked underneath. He completely forgot what he was doing and felt himself getting aroused. "And the um", he raised an eyebrow, "the lack of..." his voice trailed off and he pointed to her thighs.

Jess rolled her eyes, "well, it's tight. Even if it wraps around me, I didn't want lines showing," she continued very matter-of-factly.

Nick grabbed the fabric forcefully and frantically pulled, "Ok, yeah. Let's get this off of you. NOW." They continued to pull and twist, until both of them were out of breath and their eyes locked. Jess stopped and smiled mischeviously. She slowly started walking backwards towards the bed. As she did, she grabbed the bottom of the dress and pulled it up to her waist inch by tortuous inch. She tilted a shoulder under her chin and nodded her head.

Nick flashed a grin as he dropped his boxers and bolted to the nightstand for a condom.

* * *

Nick got dressed, yet again, and laid down on the bed, watching Jess finally wriggle out of the Sari. A feat he decided was incredibly sexy to witness. Jess turned around completely naked and threw the dress over onto the chair, "Boo yah!" She put her hands on her hips in triumph, blowing her bangs out of her eyes. "FINALLY".

Nick lifted his head and rested it on his hand. "Are you TRYING to go for another round right now?"

Jess' face got serious. "Nick, your best friend is out there heartbroken over not one, but TWO woman in the same day." She walked over to her dresser and reached for her pink robe laying on top. "We have to do SOMETHING."

Nick sighed and sat up, running his fingers through his hair. "You're right. You're right, Jess. But what are we supposed to do? We can't force Cece to talk to him. Maybe he just needs to get some sleep and deal with it in the morning. You know he's not going to shut up about this while he's still awake."

Jess finished tying the robe and quickly ran a brush through her hair, looking at him in the mirror. "OK, well let's at least try to get him to relax then. Maybe forget about it until she's ready to talk to him?"

Nick put his hands on his knees and forced himself to stand up. "Lead the way my dear", as he gestured towards her door.

Jess' face softened as she put down the brush and slowly turned around, "did you just say 'my dear'?!"

Nick's eyes widened as Jess walked over to him and patted his cheek "you are such a sweet boyfriend." She bounced towards the door and he smiled proudly. What was happening to him? How was he able to let things like that slip out so effortlessly? He had to admit, he kind of liked it, especially hearing her say the word "boyfriend" and having it directed at HIM.

Jess cautiously opened the door a crack, Nick hiding behind it. She yelled out into the loft "Schmidt, you finished in the shower?" She paused and waited for a response. Jess jumped when she heard a voice coming right towards her.

Schmidt walked passed her door and replied, "Yes. And make sure Nick is right behind you."

Schmidt continued walking into the living room, as Nick put his chin on her shoulder from behind and whispered in her ear, "Or right NOW would work too."

Jess gave a quick "Shhh" and then headed down the hall to the bathroom.

Nick waited a few moments for Schmidt's door to shut, before he headed into the kitchen to grab a beer. He leaned against the counter as he heard Jess' muffled singing coming from the shower. He had a huge grin on his face when Schmidt came out of his room.

Schmidt looked at him in disgust, "what are YOU so happy about? Clearly not because you actually SHOWERED."

Nick sat down on one of the stools. "Jess called dibs"

"Smart woman. It would take ALL the hot water left if YOU went next".

"Jar."

Schmidt rolled his eyes and gestured towards the jar. "Heartbreak gets me one free pass today."

It was Nick's turn to roll his eyes. "Schmidt, if you're so hung up on Cece, why don't you just call her?"

Schmidt gasped, "Well, look at Nick Miller, giving advice on actually telling someone how they feel."

Nick took a sip from his beer and avoided a response. Schmidt sat down across from Nick and motioned toward the hall, "So what's going on with the Sari-clad woman down the hall?"

Nick just glared at him, but when Schmidt appeared to be legitimately interested, Nick replied, "It's actually...it's good man."

"Damn it" Schmidt pounded his fist into the counter. "I knew the oath had been broken. Well, there goes the loft." He threw up his hands, and looked at Nick. Nick uncomfortably shifted his gaze down and started picking at the label on his beer.

Schmidt's expression softened and his voice came back to a normal volume. "So, you and Jess? For real. You two actually, FINALLY admitted there was something between you?!" Schmidt jumped up and threw his arms in the air. "I'm shocked man, CONGRATULATIONS!" Schmidt came around the side of counter and threw his arms around Nick. Nick had a stunned expression on his face as Schmidt let go and leaned down on the counter.

Nick shook his head. "What is happening here?! For real man? No lecture on how this will be another Nick Miller failure?"

Schmidt shook his head with a huge grin on his face, "Nah man, it's JESS. You gotta make this one work. This is good." He punched Nick's shoulder.

Nick stared at Schmidt in complete shock for what seemed like an eternity. Schmidt let out a little chuckle and started walking to his room, "Just don't make her stay in YOUR room Nick, that place is dirtier than YOU right now."

Nick stared at Schmidt's door in disbelief for a few moments. He took another drink from his beer, and got up to go to bed for the night. Jess' door was slightly open and he leaned against her door frame unnoticed. He watched her hum to herself as she stood there with a towel wrapped around her hair. She was dressed in only his navy blue hoodie and panties. Their eyes met in the mirror and she turned around and smiled.

_This time it was going to work. This one was forever. It was JESS._


	9. Chapter 9: New fears

"Oh my god. I slept in!" Jess jumped out of her bed and ran to get her robe.

Nick sat up slowly, "Jess, what's wrong?"

Jess was practically in tears as she headed out the bedroom door. "I'm so late Nick, and it's only my first day back!"

Nick shook his head violently and open and closed his eyes several times. He got out of bed and put on his t-shirt and sweats from the night before. _I already live here, I should just move some clothes in here..._

Nick went out to the kitchen and put the tea kettle on the stove, pulling a travel mug from the cabinet. He grabbed Jess' lunchbag that she had always used last year, and opened the fridge. _How the hell do I make a lunch?! _He saw a yogurt on the top shelf, and grabbed a little baggie of carrots Jess must have made up before. He closed the fridge, put the contents in the bag with a spoon and grabbed everything for a PB&J just as the kettle started to whistle. He picked her favorite tea and filled the mug. He felt terrible for keeping her awake last night talking, so hopefully this would make it up to her._  
_

She came running out of her room with a big bag over her shoulder trying to juggle her phone and put it in her purse. Nick met her at the counter in the kitchen. He grabbed the bags off her shoulder and swapped her for the mug.

"Here, take this. RELAX"

She took a deep breath and smiled slowly. "Ok. I can do this. Right? I can, right?"

Nick scrunched up his face and winked at her. "Sooooo, I tried to pack your lunch," he handed her the bag from the counter. "I THINK the yogurt is still good, but you probably want to check that, because well...I have absolutely no idea how to tell".

Jess laughed a little "Aww, that is so sweet. I'm sorry I'm so frantic. I hate feeling nervous and rushed."

Nick took her by the shoulders and spun her around, walking toward the door. "Exactly why you need to move." She started to reach for her bags over his shoulder, but he pulled his shoulder back and then opened the door. "Nope, I got it. Get moving." He put his left hand on the small of her back and gently nudged her out the door.

While they were in the elevator, she stared ahead as countless things rushed into her head about her first day back in a classroom. She could feel Nick gently rubbing circles into her lower back and she took a deep breath as the elevator opened on the bottom floor. They walked in silence to Jess' car and she opened the trunk. He handed her everything one at a time as she positioned them carefully and shut the hatch.

Nick took her face in his hand gently, "hey, look at me." She looked into his eyes and felt overwhelmed, as if she would start crying at any moment. "You are FINE. Okay? It's going to be a good day." He gave her a quick kiss and she smiled slowly. They walked around to the drivers side and he opened the door for her to get in. "See ya tonight, Jessica."

* * *

Jess had finally sat down at her desk after a fairly uneventful first half of the day. Just as she was ready to open her lunch, her phone beeped with a text. It was from Nick. What were the chances that he would text her right at this moment? She shook her head and smiled.

_Switched with Bob, spending tonight with you. love you._

She opened up the lunch Nick had packed her and gave a little laugh. Inside was the yogurt (which actually WAS still good), the bag of carrots she had put in the fridge yesterday, an apple, and a very messy sandwich. She smiled as she ate and started to think how much had changed in the past few months. She never thought she had been UNHAPPY before, but something happened that night when Nick had kissed her after True American. Something had clicked inside her head and everything had changed. She had always known that her feelings for Nick had been deeper than just friendship, but she had worked hard to not think about the possibilities. Now, she felt like her whole life was opening up in front of her, and she had never felt like this before. She felt like she finally could see her future. It was a really amazing feeling.

She wiped jelly off her hands and picked up her phone.

_Kids just as crazy as ever. really missed it._

_No Edgars I hope_

Jess laughed thinking back to her day as Julius Pepperwood's know-it-all sidekick.

_Not yet. The scariest ones always show up after lunch_

_Just remember apricots_

_Would you still rescue me?_

_Always_

* * *

When Jess got home, the loft was empty. She walked straight into her room and flopped down on the bed. She quickly dozed off and didn't hear Nick when he came home.

"Jess? Jess are you home?" Nick walked in the front door calling her name and stopped short as he passed her room. She was sound asleep on her bed and looked so peaceful curled up in a little ball on the bed. He gently laid the tiny bouquet of flowers he had in his hand on her nightstand and as gently as he could, put a blanket over her and softly closed the door behind him.

When Jess woke up, it was almost 6:30 pm and she had been asleep for over an hour. She sat up and brushed a few strands of hair off her face and looked down at the blanket. Did she grab this from the chair before she fell asleep? She shook her head and rubbed her eyes. When she glanced by toward the clock, she noticed a small bouquet of daisies on her nightstand. She let out a little giggle and bounced out of bed, grabbing the bouquet before running out of the room.

Nick's door was slightly open across the hall, so she peaked in the room. Nick had headphones on and he was sitting at his computer. She walked up behind him and put the bouquet down, just as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Unfortunately, she had startled Nick and he jumped, rolling his desk chair right over her toe.

"Owwwww. Oh god." She jumped back and sat down on the bed to grab her foot. "NICK!"

Nick spun around and ripped the headphones out of his ears when he saw her. "Gah, Jess, I'm so sorry!" He ran to the bed to sit next to her and gently started massaging her foot. She winced a little and then they both looked at each other and started laughing.

"I'm sorry Jess, having someone come up and grab you during Dexter is a REALLY BAD IDEA."

Jess rest her hand on top of his as he continued to rub her foot. "I'll have to remember that."

Nick leaned down to kiss her. "So, how was your day?!"

Jess smiled. "Good. It was really good I think. You didn't have to switch your schedule for me though."

"Well, I have to go in a little early tomorrow, but I wanted to be here when you got home on your first day. I must have just missed you. Good nap?"

"It was. And, oh, the flowers?! That was so sweet, I LOVE them!"

Nick smiled and leaned over, nudging her with his shoulder. She rested her head on his shoulder for a few minutes as they sat in silence, Nick still rubbing her foot. Nick slowly put her foot down and stood up. He grabbed her hands to pull her up and wrapped his arms around her waist. "So, do you want to go out to dinner?"

Jess put her hands on his chest. "If it's ok with you, I kind of just want to stay in tonight. Maybe heat up a pizza and stare at the tv?"

Nick kissed her forehead. "Perfect." They started to leave the room when Jess stopped and ran to his desk.

"Oh, I want to put these in water before I forget!"

* * *

They ate dinner while Nick listened to Jess tell an animated play-by-play of her first day back with Middle School students. She was so happy, and it was nice to see her back to her old cheerful, confident self. Deep in his stomach though, Nick started to feel uncertainty creep in. What if all this new contentment made her realize what a disaster HIS life still was? She had always been there for him, and he knew she really did love him, but how long would that last?

"Nick!"

Nick gave a weak smile and reached across the table to pat her hand. "I'm sorry. I was listening, I SWEAR."

Jess tilted her head to side and frowned a little.

Nick just laughed. "Oh, don't give me that look".

Jess pretended to be angry, but started laughing. As she stood up and reached across the table to clear Nick's plate, he grabbed her hand to stop her. "No, go get changed, I'll get it. Meet me on the couch in 10 minutes?"

Jess gave a relieved sigh and nodded gratefully. Nick cleared the table and rinsed the dishes for the dishwasher. He couldn't shake the feeling like he was going to lose Jess, no matter how ridiculous an idea it was. She was just so...successful. He opened the fridge to grab a beer, and then walked over to put the tea kettle on the stove. It was time he figured out what he wanted to do with his life. Every moment had been so amazing with Jess, but the reality was starting to set in. Their relationship had become very important to him, and with each passing day he was realizing how much he wanted this to be permanent. He would be lying if he didn't admit to having dreams of a house and family with her. In fact, he had thought about it a lot lately. The only missing piece to the puzzle was HIM. There was no way he could continue on in their relationship being JUST a bartender. But what was he good at? He had to figure it out...

He was snapped out of his daydream when the tea kettle started to whistle. He made her favorite tea and walked over to sit down on the couch. He was lost in his thoughts again when Jess sat down next to him and hugged his arm.

Jess whispered in his ear, "whatcha thinking about?"

Nick smiled. "I don't know, just...I don't know, it's nothing."

Jess' eyes were pleading with him, "please tell me? It looks important, I want to know."

Nick paused for a moment and looked in her eyes. "I'm just thinking about how happy you are today. Sometimes I wish I had something I loved to do too, that's all."

"But you're happy right?" There was a sadness in her voice and her voice seemed to crack a little.

Nick quickly wrapped his arms around her in a hug. "Oh god, YES. Yes, of course I am. That's not what I meant, Jess."

She settled into his arms and pulled her knees up to her chest and relaxed into Nick's side. "ok, good. You had me worried for a second, Miller."

He kissed the top of her head. "No worries."

But he WAS worried. More than just a little.


	10. Chapter 10: Obstacles

**Thanks for reading! This chapter has Nick and Jess confronting some new obstacles in their relationship. Don't worry, I haven't forgot about Schmidt and Winston, I just don't feel l do their characters enough justice when I write. Winston comes back with some of his stellar advice in the next few chapters though. Enjoy!**

* * *

It had been 3 weeks since Jess had started back at her new job, and Nick had become increasingly distant. School had just let out for the summer, but Jess decided to teach her adult creative writing class for one more semester over the summer. Her schedule was allowing them the have more time together, but she was still really looking forward to having her new teaching job in the fall. She was enjoying all of it so much in fact, that she had trouble containing her excitement over all the new ideas she had for her classes. Despite her happiness though, Jess started to notice Nick getting frustrated with her whenever she wanted to discuss something at work. She tried not to let it bother her, and sometimes she felt like she was imagining things, but it was really starting to make her angry. These were the things she should be able to share with him. She was the most happy and content that she had been in a long time, and she was getting increasingly agitated that she somehow needed to tone down her happiness.

One night when they were alone in the loft getting ready to watch a movie, she had finally had enough. Jess took a deep breath and turned to her right toward Nick on the couch. "Nick, can I ask you something without starting a fight?"

Nick looked a little confused. "Um, ok?"

"I need to know what's going on with you lately. This job means a lot to me, and I can't even talk to you about it anymore. What's going on?"

Nick nervously ran his hands through his hair, not looking at her. "What do you mean?"

Jess pulled her knees up on the couch to face him. "I mean, you try and change the subject every time I talk about school. It's not fair Nick."

"Look, I'm happy for you, I am. I just... I guess it's strange to me to hear your passion about your job." He tried to look her in the eye, but his gaze dropped.

"But I love it. I want to share it with you. Are you mad about something? I just don't understand." Jess was becoming increasingly frustrated.

He put his hand on her knee, "Jess, I'm really happy for you. I am. I'm just not good at this, you know?"

"That's not fair, you can't just use that as an excuse to be disconnected."

"What?" He jerked to a standing position over her.

As she pushed up off the couch, she reached for his hand. "We're together now. We're supposed to share things. That's what I want, don't you?"

He squeezed her hand. "Jess, you know this kind of thing is hard for me, why are you making a big deal about it?"

Her voice became louder and she desperately tried to hold onto his hand, but he started to pull away. "BECAUSE IT'S A BIG DEAL TO ME! Don't you even care that I'm upset?! You can't start pushing me away, it's not going to work now..."

He jerked his hand away and stepped back, the backs of his legs against the coffee table. "Right, because you want me to just change who I am now that we're together?" As soon as he said it, he wanted to take it back. That wasn't fair.

Jess' eyes got wide and her head jerked back like someone had slapped her. Her voice got quieter "I never said I wanted you to change. I just. You're my boyfriend and it's YOU I want to share this stuff with."

Nick winced a little. She had picked HIM to confide all these feelings too, and he just didn't know what he was supposed to do. "I know that, Jess. It's just that I'm..." He stopped. He couldn't open up to her about this. Not yet. Not before he could think about his next move.

She hung onto his last words, hoping he would continue, only he shut down. She sighed loudly, "It doesn't work if you can't talk to me. I need you to..."

He brushed passed her towards the front door. "I need some air."

"Wait, so you're just going to run away? That's great, Nick. Just great."

His hands slowly balled up into fists and he closed his eyes to turn around. "No, I just. I need to think, I can't do it with you yelling at me."

Jess stepped forward, "I'm not yelling, I just want to know what's going on."

His eyes were full of anger now. "Just give me some space, ok. I...I need to figure some things out."

Her voice cracked a little, "about US?"

Nick shook his head a little stunned. "NO! No, it's not about us. It's about me. Just...let me breathe Jess."

Jess muttered a barely audible "ok" as she looked at the floor.

God, why did he have to do this right now? He needed to think. He watched as she bit her lip, refusing to look at him. "Look, I need a few days to sort some things out. JUST BACK OFF." He was shocked that he was yelling, but he was so frustrated that she couldn't let it go for now. He was struggling with this. REALLY STRUGGLING. What was her problem?

She glanced up at him again, confusion in her eyes. "I don't understand, why..."

He punched his thigh with his fist angrily. "Look Jess, STOP. I need it ok? I need for you to once not ask questions, OKAY?!"

Jess blinked back tears and swallowed hard. She gave a barely visible nod and turned to her right, headed for the hallway. After slowly walking to her room and closing the door, she collapsed onto her bed and started sobbing. What was going on? Why couldn't he just tell her what was going on? Maybe Nick's "grumpy mystery" persona had been cute at one point, but now it hurt to know that he wouldn't share things with her. They were together and he was still choosing to shut her out. It hurt more than she imagined was possible.

* * *

Nick grumbled as he watched her disappear into her room. He ran his hands through his hair as he spun around and quickly ran to the front door. He grabbed the doorknob and stopped, debating whether he should leave or not. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He decided he probably should just head to bed so he wouldn't do something stupid. Like go get drunk, which sounded like something the old Nick would do. And he really wanted to be better. Annoyed with himself he stomped off to his room. After closing the door a little bit harder than he should have, he slid his back down the door and collapsed on the floor. He rested his arms on his knees, head hanging low. This wasn't going the way that he wanted it to. He wished that he could tell her what had been on his mind, but he felt like such a failure even bringing it up. Maybe saying it out loud would make it even MORE clear to her that he really was a failure. He felt like if he kept it to himself, maybe she wouldn't notice until he could figure all this out.

But that look on her face as it crumbled into tears? He just couldn't stand hurting her like this.

He dropped his right arm and punched the door behind him. DAMN IT. Why did he always ruin everything?

Nick stood up, angrily striding to his desk and yanking the chair out from under it, sending it flying across the room and into his door with a thump. He aggressively unplugged his laptop from the cord, grabbing it and sitting on the bed. He sat down on the bed with it in his lap and flipped it open. He was about to click on the window he had open to close it forever, when the phone in his pocket started to vibrate.

"GAH!" He threw the laptop down next to him to reach in his pocket. When he flipped open his phone, his heart broke just a little bit.

_Good night. I love you._

He felt his eyes well up as he laid the phone down on the bed next to him, his face collapsing into his hands.

* * *

Being across the hall from him was just so hard. In all her other relationships, when she had a fight, it was easy to have space and walk away to gain some clarity. The other person wasn't just a few steps away from her. It was torture knowing Nick was so close to her and she couldn't run to him and make everything ok again. What was worse, was that he was usually the one she went to when she was feeling this upset. Now she felt like she was being punished twice as hard.

She laid on her bed hugging her pillow, her tears finally starting to subside. She just wanted to hug him. It physically hurt feeling like she was so far away right now. Why did he have to keep pushing her away? They were a couple now, they should be TOGETHER.

It had been only a few minutes since their fight and she already missed him. God, what was wrong with her? He didn't want her around right now, why should she have to beg?

She jerked to a seated position and let out a frustrated growl. Well, even if he didn't want her around, she still wanted to show him that he wasn't going to be able to hide so easily. She grabbed her phone off the nightstand and sent him a text.

_Good night. I love you._

She wanted to stay angry, but the moment she started to type the last words, her expression softened. She didn't want to be mad at him, because what she just typed was true. She waited several agonizing minutes with no response. Maybe his phone was out in the kitchen? Maybe he hadn't seen it.

Or maybe he was angrier than she thought...

She sadly put the phone back down and went to her closet to change.

* * *

He sat on his bed for several minutes flipping the phone over and over in his hand. SHE LOVED HIM. Why was he doing this to her? She didn't deserve it. He let out a long sigh and decided to change for bed. He quickly put on a gray t shirt and shorts and climbed into bed, his phone and laptop balanced on his lap. He looked at her text one more time before snapping it closed. He stared blankly at the screen still open on his laptop.

APPLICATION FOR MBA PROGRAM

Could he do it? Was this it? Was he really going to go back to school after all this time?

He thought back to law school. Studying all those weeks for the damn LSATs, waiting to hear back from the schools he had applied to, the classes and the stress.

He rubbed his eyes.

He was terrified.

He had spent the better part of the last week going over and over this in his head. It had been so long since he had dropped out of law school, that he had passed the point where he could just start up where he had left off. The career counselor had told him he would have to retake the LSATs to even be considered. He had taken some time to think about it, but in the end, he was sure he did NOT want to be a lawyer anymore. It just wasn't him. He knew that a long time ago. When the counselor had suggested an MBA program, it had piqued his interest. He thought that maybe it wouldn't be such an awful career to run a bar or restaurant. God knows he had spent enough time in one.

He was going to do it.

Even if he applied, it didn't mean he HAD to go. But yes, he was going to do it. He was going to do it for Jessica. He was going to do it because he wanted a future with her, and he wanted one where he didn't feel like he did right now. That he was somehow failing her. He wanted to do it for himself, for all those years he wasted doubting himself, and mourning some carefree, no responsibilities childhood that he was never going to get back.

It was 1:30 am when he glanced over at his clock after pushing "send".

Damn.

It had taken him over 2 hours to fill out the application. He had been so absorbed that he realized he had never text Jess back. She must think he was such an asshole. He closed the laptop and quickly opened his phone.

_Love you more than you know. I'm sorry._

He slowly slid down the pillows and laid there in silence, still holding the phone.

It beeped.

She was still awake? After all this time?

He felt a lump form in his throat and felt sick to his stomach. He lifted the phone as if it was a 50 lb brick. He was afraid to read her next message. He knew he wouldn't be able to push away the pain he felt as he read it.

_go to sleep you clown_

He rolled onto his side, his laptop and phone haphazardly falling next to him.

He wanted to deserve this amazing woman so badly it hurt.


	11. Chapter 11: Apricots

The next morning, Nick managed to avoid Jess, since it was an early day for her writing class. He had slept in later than usual, and it was already 11 am when he rolled over and looked at the clock. For a moment, he had forgotten that he had had a fight with Jess the night before, and his face fell when he realized she wasn't sleeping next to him. He sighed and grinded the heels of his hands into his eyesockets.

Nick was eating cereal on a stool in the kitchen counter when his phone beeped with a text from Jess. He couldn't help but smile. He had gotten so used to their lunchtime text dates while she was eating at school, that he almost forgot about how awful he had been last night.

He flipped open the phone.

_Awake?_

_breakfast now_

_you were up too late_

_you too_

_couldn't sleep, too cold alone_

_me too_

_can we talk?_

_student's taking an essay test :-(_

_sorry about last night_

_tell me what's wrong_

_just thinking about the future_

_Nick Miller thinking about the future?!_

_my cute roommate did it to me, not sure what it is about her_

_hmm, sounds like a real pain_

_she's pretty amazing_

_maybe it's because she loves you and it hurts to see you unhappy_

_SHE makes me happy_

Nick watched his phone, but the messages stopped. He guessed her student had a question, so he got up to put his bowl in the sink. His phone rang a moment later.

"Nick?"

"Hey, you didn't have to call, Jess. I know you can't talk at lunch."

"No, she just finished her exam."

"Look, I don't want to fight about this anymore. I missed you last night, and I'm sorry. I just need to process some things in my head and I can't talk about it when I don't know exactly what's going on in there. Does that sound crazy?" He could almost see her smiling on the other end of the line.

"Maybe we just need to set some boundaries since we can't go home to different places."

"Maybe we do."

There was long pause before she spoke softly, "Can you promise to remember something for me?"

"What's that, Jessica?"

"_Apricots, _works both ways."


	12. Chapter 12: Winston Wisdom

Nick and Winston had been sitting on the couch drinking beers and watching a baseball game. Nick had already gotten up twice to run to his room, when he went in a third time and came back with his laptop. He sat back down and put the laptop to his left side on the couch, propped up on a pillow.

Winston looked back and forth between the laptop and Nick and then slammed his beer down on the coffee table. "Ok, what is up with the damn laptop?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders and frowned "What?"

"Nick, you've been running around checking your email for a week. I didn't even know you USED email."

Nick just shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about, man".

Winston raised his eyebrows "You wouldn't do something behind Jess' back..." his voice trailed off when Nick interrupted him.

"God, Winston. NO! Why would you even THINK that?! Do you think I'm an idiot?"

Winston stared at Nick, eyebrows still raised. "It's creepy. What's going on?"

Nick stared ahead at the tv, glancing at Winston out of the corner of his eye. He started to nervously shake his legs. After a few more uncomfortable moments, Nick finally caved.

"Fine." He leaned over to put his beer on the table, then shifted sideways with his elbow on the top of the couch. "You have to promise not to tell Jess."

Winston gave Nick a right hook into his left shoulder. "Damn it Nick, what have you done?!"

Nick winced and grabbed his right shoulder with his left hand. "Ow, what the..." He shook his head. "No, it's nothing bad. I just. I can't tell her. Not yet"

Winston was intrigued. "I'm listening."

Nick took a deep breath and looked down towards the floor. "I uh. I applied to an MBA program."

Winston's face slowly changed into a smile. "You did WHAT?"

"You heard me. I'm thinking about going back to school."

"You. Nick Miller." Winston nodded his head and smiled. "I'm impressed."

Nick tried to play it down a little bit, "yeah, it's online. It's not a big deal."

Winston looked at Nick with a sincere expression on his face. "I'm proud of you, man. So, " he paused and dropped his voice a little, "this thing with Jess? This is for real."

Nick looked up at Winston, "Of course it's for real, what, "

"NO, I mean, FOR REAL. You're really in love with the woman, aren't you?"

Nick couldn't help but smile. "I uh, " He had never really said it out loud to anyone other than Jess before. "Yeah, I mean. I am." He leaned back into the couch. "I don't know, it's like, remember when I just wanted to leave Chicago so I could DO things? My OWN things, not picking up all of my dad's messes?"

Winston nodded. "I remember it well."

Nick continued, "It's like that only..." his voice trailed off as he thought about what he was going to say next. "Only this time I'm not running away from anything." Nick looked at Winston's silent expression and gave a little laugh. "Yeah, I'm full blown crazy now, aren't I?"

Winston shook his head. "Nah. You're just HAPPY. And it's about damn time too!"

Nick shook his head. "I just want to DO things now. My own stuff, you know? Maybe own the bar, or a restaurant...I don't know." He glanced up at Winston and frowned a little. "Probably crazy, right?"

"Of course not, Nick. Look, I've know you for a long time and this,...this Nick that I see when you're with Jess? This is YOU, man." Winston shrugged his shoulders. "I think you spent a lot of time just giving up." Winston leaned back into the couch. "It's nice to see you giving yourself a try again."

"So, you think I can really do this?"

"Nick, you scored a 170 on the LSATs." Winston paused for emphasis and added, "In the middle of your dad's infamous used car scam."

Nick smiled a little and nodded.

"I don't get it though, why won't you tell Jess? You know she'll be proud of you for this, right?"

Nick shrugged and shook his head. "I just don't want to tell her and then find out I failed to even get in, you know? I have so much riding on this Winston. I want to know I can do this before she puts too much hope in me."

"Fine, but I think you're making a mistake not telling her, man. I've seen the way she looks at you. Hell, the way she HAS looked at you for over 2 damn years now. That woman doesn't care if you get into business school or not, she's crazy about you."

"Maybe."

"Nick, TRUST ME. I see her big eyes going gaga over you every freakin' day." His eyes got wide. "EVERY DAY."

"I get it Winston, but please, just, let me tell her when I'm ready ok?"

Winston looked at Nick for a moment and slowly nodded. "Ok, you got it. BUT,..." His face got serious and he pointed a finger at him. "Stop acting all weird like you're hiding something. Because you're going to scare her into thinking something's up. Don't mess this up, Nick. You lose trust from that woman and that's it." He paused. "She doesn't take that stuff lightly, and you know it."

Nick gave him a knowing look and bit his lip, "I know."


	13. Chapter 13: Paths not taken

Nick and Jess were sitting up in her bed. She was on the side closest to the door and had positioned her tea and papers on the table next to her. Nick was on what had quickly become "his" side of the bed, watching a movie on his laptop. She put down the assignment she was grading and rested her head on his shoulder. He removed his headphones and smiled.

"Hey. Bored with their writing already?"

She laughed. "Well, no zombie stories yet, so what do you expect?"

"Anything exciting?"

She rolled her eyes and handed him the paper in her hand. He scanned it quickly, his expression going from curious to a series of eye rolls. He handed it back to her. "That's um..."

"Really, really awful." She made a face and started laughing. "I feel kind of bad laughing though, because he's clearly trying hard."

"Well, you can't say he doesn't use descriptive words."

"Right. EVERY word." She laughed again and shook her head. She sighed and put her head back on his shoulder, grabbing his left hand with her right. "I love teaching, but sometimes I wonder if I'm any good at it."

He kissed the top of her head and rested his head on hers. "It's just one student Jess, don't get down on yourself. You're a great teacher."

She sighed again and let go of his hand, reaching for the paper again to continue reading. She shrugged her shoulders, "I guess".

Nick leaned back on the pillow and closed his eyes. After a few minutes of silence, Jess put the paper down again and stared straight ahead. "Hey, so, can I ask you something?"

Nick's didn't move and his eyes remained closed. "Mmmhmm."

"What made you decide to go to Law School?"

Nick remained still. He knew this would probably come up one day, but it seemed so long ago now that he'd almost forgotten about it entirely. What should he say? What DID make him make all the choices he regretted in life? He didn't realize how long he had been thinking to himself and Jess spoke again.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me, it's not important. I know you probably don't want to remember all that."

Nick's eyes shot open and he grabbed her hand. "No, I'm sorry. You can ask, I don't mind." He closed his laptop and slid down a little in the bed, resting his head back on the pillow and staring at the ceiling. Where to begin...

"Honestly, I still wonder why sometimes. I think, well, growing up my dad took advantage of a lot of people, you know? And... I don't know, I just always felt so guilty about it. I guess I thought that maybe being a lawyer, I could somehow make up for all that stuff."

Jess squeezed his hand and flipped over on her side, facing him. She put her right arm up over her on the pillow and rested her head on her hand, watching him as he spoke. He had never opened up to her like this before, and she was mesmerized by the even tone he was using. He continued to stare at the ceiling.

"And then I just, did it, you know? I went to class, kept studying, time passed. It was like, the further I got, the more I figured 'hey I got this far, I should just keep going'. But then"

Jess spoke softly, "Then you realized that you were just doing it to get through, not because you really wanted what was there when you finished."

Nick paused and slowly turned his head towards her. He looked deep into her eyes. That was EXACTLY what happened. How did this woman manage to know him so well? He saw tears forming in her eyes and his expression slowly changed to one of confusion. She lowered her head down, her arm reaching up as she gently played with his hair. She scooted over ever so slightly to rest her head close to his shoulder.

Her voice was barely audible. "I did the same thing with Spencer."

Spencer. She had never really talked about him before. He felt slightly awkward, a little bit enraged hearing his name, but mostly intrigued at the pain he could sense in her voice. There was another period of silence as they both laid there in their own thoughts.

Nick slowly turned on his side and gently placed his hand under her chin, tilting her head up so he could see her eyes. "Jess, you're probably thinking I'm the biggest quitter right? Like, I really DON'T ever finish anything."

She shook her head. "I think you're amazing for knowing when to let something go that didn't make you happy." Nick just stared at her dumbfounded as she continued. "I'm proud of you, Nick. You didn't let other people tell you what to do. You don't make excuses. The rest of the world might see only the grumpiness, but you know what I see?" He slowly shook his head, not taking his eyes from hers. Her voice was barely above a whisper, "A man who just wants to take his time to get it right."

He was suddenly overcome with emotion. No one had ever understood him like this before, never really LISTENED to him. Maybe it was because he had always been too afraid to say it out loud, for fear of being judged. Maybe he had purposely kept it to himself, because if he didn't say it out loud, he could pretend like it never happened. He could pretend that he never made all those decisions that everyone would perceive as wrong, or stupid, or as if he was just a quitter. But Jess was the one who finally understood him. She could see past the surface and understand that even if it seemed wrong to other people, it was the right choice for HIM. As much as he wanted to believe he didn't care what other people thought of him, he would be lying if he said it didn't eat at him sometimes. He had spent so much time building this wall around him. He didn't need anyone to tell him what to do or how to do it. He had spent his whole life taking charge and just getting things done. Sometimes he was happy, but most of the time he just did it because he had to. He had to get his family through a winter with little money for heat, or he had to somehow make up for his dad being such a screw up by being something like a lawyer. A big, bold move to impress people and make them forget about all of his dad's schemes.

"Nick." Her voice was strong, sincere, and full of emotion. "I love you. I love every piece of you, even the parts you think are broken." She smiled. "The best parts of life are the ones when you get to figure out what you want, and we get to do that together. Just promise me you'll always be honest with me. Honest with yourself, okay? Because you deserve to be happy."

Nick smiled and Jess readjusted herself so she was on her stomach. He wrapped his arms around her as she laid her head down on his chest. "Jessica, I've never been this happy OR honest before."

He took a deep breath as he felt Jess relax against him. He was about to tell her about the application, but stopped himself. No. He wanted to wait a few more days, just to see if he had been accepted. He wasn't ready to get her hopes up. Truthfully, since he was enjoying this new honesty with HIMSELF, he didn't want to get his OWN hopes up either. Because at that very moment he realized that he would be crushed if he couldn't make these new dreams he had of their future, a reality.


End file.
